Acting Marty- Update

Presently, I'm writing a murder mystery script. I utilize Final Draft software for this and it is superb.

In June, I will begin rehearsals for a murder mystery where I play a transvestite or a transsexual. I'm not sure which at the moment. In any event, I have to get dressed up in drag.

I'm not sure if that w/b helpful for my social life.

Fun on Facebook

I think I'm starting to develop an appreciation for facebook.

I particularly enjoy the game applications. There are some I play on my own like Mind Jolt games and others where I play with others.

My favorite is Scrabulous. It enables me to connect with people who I don't see or speak to that often. If you're up for a game, please email me or contact me through facebook.

I also play blackjack and texas hold em poker. What's kind of nice is being able to sit down w/people from all over the world and play. With minor exceptions, politics doesn't enter into the game. So it's not unusual to see people from countries at war playing poker together w/o incident.

Maybe it's time to replace the United Nations w/Facebook.

Air Marty

Page D1 of the May 6, 2008 of the Wall Street Journal was a gold mine for my blog.

I have a multi-year suscription to the Journal and while I don't agree with many of their editorials, I enjoy the paper, Rupert Murdoch notwithstanding.

On this page D1, there was an article explaining how people are becoming more disgusting on flights, in particular stuff they are leaving behind in the seat pockets of the aircraft.

Personally, I am less repulsive on aircraft than in real life. I generally clean up after myself and don't leave any residue behind, like dirty diapers and the like. However, I appear to be out of step with the general public.

So from now on, I pledge to be more disgusting on aircraft. I will be using pliers to pick my nose, consuming garlic non-stop and breaking wind repeatedly.

What will you do to conform?

Walk on the Wild Side

I was just reading an article in the Wall Street Journal about sleepwalking.

Yes I know, I read medical journals for stock picks. It's all quite logical for me.

In any event, there are apparently sleeping pills which can cause you to sleepwalk. By sleepwalk, I don't just mean walking around while asleep. Apparently, people have been known to eat, make phone calls and even drive a car while asleep.

The article suggests that peanut butter is a "sleep-eating favorite."

In addition it suggests that if you're going to take a sleeping pill you might consider unplugging the phone and hiding your car keys.

I'm going to pay particular attention now for sleeping pill commercials on television. I'll listen intently for the side effects: may cause you to consume a box or Oreos, call overnight talk radio programs, and drive 40 miles per hour in the left lane on the New Jersey Turnpike.

Coke Zero

I work near Penn Station in Manhattan. Frequently, there are free samples of products being distributed in front of Penn Station. As a bonafide schnurra (cheapskate), I always take whatever it is they are distributing. Sometimes, I even get multiple quantities of whatever it is they are giving out. Even though I don't have a dog and don't need 6 cans of dog food I take it. I think I get a "free" rush of some sort. Perhaps with a little push, I could be a kleptomaniac. I'm always trying to set new goals.

Anyways, yesterday as I was going home walking past Penn Station, I got a free bottle of Coke Zero. Like it's name Coke Zero has no calories. As someone who doesn't drink much soda, soda is a novelty. I took a few gulps and found myself getting thirstier and thirstier. When I got home, I dumped out the "undrunk" soda. I was still incredibly thirsty. I finally doused my thirst with a glass of orange juice.

I guess it's fine not to have any calories. But G-d knows what all the ingredients are in there. And surely to make money, the product has to make you want more.

Consumer Marty gives Coke Zero a zero. If you're worried about the calories, drink water.

Out of Focus

Today, I was part of a focus group.

For those of you unfamiliar, a focus group is a group of people called upon to opine about something.

This group consisted of about 8 people and me. All of us were certified public accountants. Yes, strap yourself down, the excitement might be too great.

We were ushered into a room and were met by a "leader". I'm really not sure if leader is the right term. Anyways, the guy wouldn't tell us who his client was. My recollection was that I was told the client was the AICPA, the American Institue of Certified Public Accountants, when I was recruited for this. We were also told there were people behind the mirror watching us. I made a mental note not to pick my nose or pull or scratch anything.

At the beginning we went around the room introducing ourselves. "I've been a CPA for 32 years, have two kids and enjoy farting on alternate Thursdays." OK, I exaggerate a bit. I made a decision not to mention that I act in my spare time and have a blog where I post about things I do (or don't do).

The people speaking were so monotone and dull. I made a choice to be as outrageous as humanly possible. Besides, I had an audience behind the mirror to entertain. Firstly, I suggested that the AICPA should be like the Teamsters for CPAs. If Jimmy Hoffa would have been a CPA he would have been found by now. We watched a video about why International Accounting Standards should subsume US Accounting Standards (aka Generally Accepted Accounting Principles aka GAAP). zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Wake up, dammit! I suggested the video was promoting this by utilizing UK people w/cool accents. Lastly, I suggested the profession was failing to meet the expectation of the public which is why they keep getting sued. As the public thinks an audit shows there is no fraud, the audit techniques s/b upgraded to meet those expectations. That didn't sit well with some people but so be it.

Years ago, I graded CPA exams for the AICPA. It was a part-time job. You would get paid hourly based upon signing in/out on a sign-in sheet. The last time I did this, some asshole in charge of grading decided to have us punch a time clock instead. I raised my hand and asked him if he punched a time clock. I then asked if he thought we were any less professional than him. Needless to say, that was the last time I graded exams for the AICPA.

Greenport Weekend- Day 2

As I awoke at 5am, the TV was still on. I switched to AMC and was watching cowboy and Indian (not Bollywood) movies for several hours. I caught the end of a very early John Wayne movie. Then I watched a movie with Audie Murphy and Anne Bancroft as an Indian.

I showered and went to the free hotel continental breakfast. The concept of this hotel is to emulate European hotels. When you stay at a hotel in Europe, breakfast is usually included in the cost of the room. I had a slice of whole wheat bread w/peanut butter and jelly on it, green tea and orange juice.

About 9:30am, I walked all through the town of Greenport. The movie theatre, the Seaport Museum, and the Railroad Museum were all closed because "the season" had not started as yet. I decided to get in my car and drive on 25 West to the next town. I passed even more wineries. I stopped in the Duck Walk Winery and bought 3 bottles of their cheapest wine.

As it was about lunchtime, I had two slices of pizza at Pagano Pizza in Southold. I liked it. I then drove a little further west, then decided to return. Across the street from the hotel was the Ternhaven Winery. I tasted their wines and bought 2 bottles of something called Claret. I'm not sure what it is because I got buzzed again from the tasting. Anyways, the owner is retiring. I'm wondering if I should hold this wine for years to come, hoping it will increase in value. My family is very good at holding things. At some point our basement will be re-named "The Museum of Crap." I'm working on the application for non-profit status.

I then wandered into Greenport once again to scope out a place for dinner. I picked Claudio's, a seafood restaurant, as it has been in Greenport for years and mentioned in the AAA Guide. I made a reservation for 5pm.

When I arrived at Claudio's at 5pm, it was quite busy. I had New England Chowder, Stuffed Filet of Flounder and a glass of Chianti. The food was fine. My only complaint was that the vegetables accompanying the fish were salty. Inasmuch as Claudio seems to own a lot of Greenport my complaint is probably irrelevant.

After dinner I went back to the room and watched the Mets implode and the E Channel special Goldie & Kate (Goldie Hawn & Kate Hudson). When on vacation, I have plenty of time for mindless stuff like the E Channel.

My guess is I fell asleep somewhere after 10pm. If anything, I'm catching up on sleep here.