Elevator Decorum

The elevators where my accounting office is located run exceedingly slow. They really should have a time table so you know when the next one will show up.

Lately, I've been peeved by certain elevator behavior.

1. Are you going up or down?- I dislike it when the elevator stops and before getting in people inquire whether it is going up or down. From now on I am going to remain silent and let them take the risk on their own.

2. Shufflin in- Some people take a year and a day to get in to the elevator. Now, I'm not talking about the disabled, injured and the like. I'm talking about the lazy-assed morons who move slowly, hold the elevator for their entire office to get in, or can't make a decision whether or not to get in.

3. What's that Smell?- Anything from McDonalds will stink up the elevator. As my accounting office is on the 16th floor, frequent stops w/a McDonalds purchase on board, will induce a bout of nausea by the time I arrive. I also don't like people who must douse themselves in perfume or cologne as they leave work. If I want to smell perfume/cologne, I'll spray it up my nostrils rather than suffer your brand.

My favorite elevator story occurred several years ago. I got on an elevator with a bunch of middle-aged Hispanic women. One of them shouts out "Como se dice dolor de cabeza en ingles?" (How do you say "dolor de cabeza" in English?) I answered "headache" and everyone laughed.