Getting Off (the elevator)

The elevator in my office building stopped at the 14th floor to discharge a passenger. After that it was to stop at the 16th floor.

It stopped at the 15th floor and this guy got off the elevator. I wonder how long it took or will take him to realize he is on the wrong floor.

At least he didn't waste time hemming and hawing whether or not to get off. Those doors opened and he was out like a shot.

I appreciate people who are decisive on the elevator. Whether or not they get off on the correct floor is irrelevant to me.

And of course, I didn't stop him. No reason to halt progress on the elevator.

The "I'm Going to Use You for Material Look"

Living in new yawk, there are tons of wannabe actors, singers, comics and the like performing tasks that they don't really want to do.

So occasionally, I'll be going out to get lunch and the guy behind the counter will be an actor/comic serving me but really mentally saving me for "material."

For example, if I ask for lettuce and tomato on my tuna sandwich, he just won't put it on the sandwich. He'll inquire if it is placed correctly. This way he can say in his act, "this guy comes into my shop and is so anal that he critiqued how I placed the lettuce and tomato on his sandwich."

You can tell "the look" by people who go the extra mile for you, not out of the love of their job but to get a reaction from you for future benefit in their act.

To be perfectly honest, it's a lot like how I find stuff to blog about.

Mental Gymnastics

I'm all for mentally-challenged people coming to the gym to exercise. I need to say that to be PC.

Anyways, yesterday this mental guy was walking around the track and Michael Jackson's Beat It was playing throughout the gym. So, as he's walking around, he's apparently singing along. Although just what he was "singing" was unintelligible and loud.

Then, while I'm changing in the locker room, the mental guy comes in to change too. He is not changing quietly and I find his babbling somewhat disconcerting.

I suppose I'm going to have to get used to it or else ask the management to create "mental hours" where the mentally-challenged can work out without disturbing others.

Do you work out with any mental patients?

Marie Osmond

For years, I've always found Marie Osmond to be one of the most beautiful and talented women in the whole world.

I'm not sure why she doesn't receive the proper recognition.

I know she's had some personal issues but who hasn't.

Marie, if you're reading my blog (and who isn't), you may be a little bit country but you rock.

On Holiday

I'm planning a couple of days away next weekend at he eastern end of Long Island (or Longuyland as the locals pronounce it).

I'll be going to Greenport which is about 8 miles from the end of Long Island on the north side. It's a small town with not much doing. But frankly, I'm a bit tired after tax season and need a few days away.

As always, I will compile a day by day account of what does or does not transpire.

Wrestling for Votes

All 3 presidential aspirants appeared in videos yesterday on Monday Night Raw, a professional wrestling program aka sports entertainment.

For many years, I watched professional wrestling. In fact, I would say, I learnt more about acting from watching these programs than from anywhere else.

But let's face it, the average person watching professional wrestling is a bonafide idiot. Now mind you, I've got nothing against idiots, as I consider myself a card carrying member of this group. But this is probably not the demographic the candidates should be reaching.

The average person watching this program thinks Barack Obama is a noise made when a fat woman sits on a whoopee cushion. They think Hillary is Bill's wife and that John McCain is Vince McMahon's uncle.

Are we encouraging stupid people to vote?

Podcasts

It seems to me that everyone and their brother feels compelled to have a podcast.

Personally I listen to the Geoff Show podcast courtesy of Virgin Radio.

The podcast there is designed for people who can't listen to the programme when it is aired or for the hardcore fan listening to the broadcast a second time.

But to me there are some inexplicable podcasts that fall into the "why are they needed" classification.

Believe it or not I have a subscription to GQ Magazine. It is necessary for me so I can determine just how far out of date my suits are. After 10 years, I go to Syms to upgrade.

Anyways, GQ Magazine has a podcast. For a magazine whose principal component is pictures of fashionable clothing, I'm not sure how a podcast helps or why in fact it is needed.

Same thing might be said for Playboy Magazine to which I prescribe (I made a funny) unless of course that podcast is erotic.

What podcasts do you think are unnecessary?

Stand-Up Marty

I will be MCing Comedy Night at the Islip Pavillion in Islip Long Island (new yawk) on Thurs May 1 at 8pm.

Unfortunately, I don't believe anyone who reads this blog lives in Longuyland.

Maybe someone can surprise me?

Elevator Decorum

The elevators where my accounting office is located run exceedingly slow. They really should have a time table so you know when the next one will show up.

Lately, I've been peeved by certain elevator behavior.

1. Are you going up or down?- I dislike it when the elevator stops and before getting in people inquire whether it is going up or down. From now on I am going to remain silent and let them take the risk on their own.

2. Shufflin in- Some people take a year and a day to get in to the elevator. Now, I'm not talking about the disabled, injured and the like. I'm talking about the lazy-assed morons who move slowly, hold the elevator for their entire office to get in, or can't make a decision whether or not to get in.

3. What's that Smell?- Anything from McDonalds will stink up the elevator. As my accounting office is on the 16th floor, frequent stops w/a McDonalds purchase on board, will induce a bout of nausea by the time I arrive. I also don't like people who must douse themselves in perfume or cologne as they leave work. If I want to smell perfume/cologne, I'll spray it up my nostrils rather than suffer your brand.

My favorite elevator story occurred several years ago. I got on an elevator with a bunch of middle-aged Hispanic women. One of them shouts out "Como se dice dolor de cabeza en ingles?" (How do you say "dolor de cabeza" in English?) I answered "headache" and everyone laughed.

A Night at Shea

Once tax season ends on April 15, I like to spend the next day at the ball park (Shea Stadium) in Queens, New Yawk watching the New York Mets play baseball.

For a number of years, there were day games on April 16. That was awesome.

This year my lodge (like the Water Buffaloes from the Honeymooners) purchased $5 tickets for the April 17 game against the Washington Nationals. I bought a ticket.

So, yesterday I took the Long Island Rail Road to Shea. Driving is a nightmare as they are constructing a new stadium (Citifield) right in back of Shea and parking is limited. The train ride is only a short ride from Manhattan and quite convenient.

I got to the ball park in no time. Somehow, I managed to get through security. I was wearing a blue Met cap and a Met jersey I bought off Ebay for $20 (as opposed to $80 elsewhere).

I bought a program ($5) and a yearbook ($12) and then decided that sitting in a $5 seat was beneath me. So, I found a seat in the Loge behind home plate and sat there comfortably for 6 innings. In the 7th inning, the actual purchaser of the seat showed up. They must've known the game would last 14 innings. So, I moved a few seats over.

The game was excellent. The two starting pitchers pitched wonderfully and I saw a play I had never seen before. A line drive was hit back to the Met pitcher, Nelson Figueroa (from Brooklyn) and he just stuck his glove out and backhanded it (caught it).

I sat peacefully in "my seat" through the 10th inning. After the 10th inning, I moved closer to the train as I had to be on the 11:06pm train back. The next one was 12:06am.

I caught the 11:06pm and got home with no problem.

It was a wonderful night out and very much needed after tax season.

There's nothing like going to a ball park to watch a baseball game be it major or minor league.

Consumer Marty highly recommends.

How can a 99 cent store go out of business?

My local "99 cent" store (or pound shop for those of you in the UK) is having a 50% off sale.

(Now for those of you on my gift list, I'm loading up.)

I find it hard to believe that this place can't make a go of it. These places operate at tremendous margins. Perhaps they are pocketing too much of the cash. I don't think shoplifting is a prob cause they mostly sell crap with limited appeal except for people like me.

But what is really puzzling me is, what they're going to do with anything that remains after their liquidation sale.

As 99 cent stores buy their stuff from "regular" stores at a tremendous discount, who is going to buy the stuff from a 99 cent store? Is there someone that has a 9 cent store where they sell remains of 99 cent stores.

Perhaps a 9 cent store is the next big thing?

Google Me

I just noticed that when I google my full name, this blog shows up.

That can be troublesome.

So, now I have to worry about people finding stuff I wrote about them. Maybe I shouldn't worry.

I've gotta be me.

The hell with them. Hooray for me.

Tax season is nearly over.

Acting Marty

Last night was the first time I was formally hired/paid to perform as an actor.

I was engaged by a non-profit group to do two acting bits (that took at the most 5 minutes together) at a dinner honoring some people.

It was a break from the tax grind which has occupied my time lately.

I hope you are all well and look forward to visiting your blogs soon.